Jul. 29th, 2015 07:49 pm
kaberett: A cartoon of wall art, featuring a banner reading "NO GLORY SAVE HONOR". (no glory save honour)
[personal profile] kaberett
I confess to almighty God and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do.

Read more... )

wherein Liz is grumpy and overheated

Jul. 29th, 2015 03:58 pm
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over the ocean (Default)
[personal profile] edenfalling
I hate when my internet connection vanishes for the day. Stupid router. Stupid Time Warner Cable.



In less aggravating news, I have been slowly piecing my way through the "Guardian" ch. 16 fight scene. It is definitely going to take half the chapter and kick one of the other planned scenes into ch. 17, but I think I have figured out an ending for it at last. Now we just have to see if I can manage the execution.

(Current word count = 1,800-ish)

Another quick hit on emotional labour

Jul. 29th, 2015 01:57 pm
kaberett: a patch of sunlight on the carpet, shaped like a slightly wonky heart (light hearted)
[personal profile] kaberett
These are ones I'd already internalised as true so didn't excerpt last time around, but probably bear repeating anyway.

From the author of the sparking article:
The switch from men's default "I will if you ask me" to "I will if you don't ask me not to" is simple but really powerful in terms of where it sites the responsibility.

This is already someting I do in set-ups where I'm in a caring role (because I know that accepting help can be very difficult, whereas not refusing it is easier -- setting up a default course of action is to some extent a way of handling people, but what that also means is facilitation, so). It has always been a genuine surprise and delight when people have spotted that me doing this works for them and have reciprocated it.

And, as linked to [personal profile] sebastienne, the idea that keeping track of what needs doing is significant emotional labour in itself:
Another puzzle piece: was thinking about religious life. Convents, monasteries. We think of these things as big sacrifices, but in fact, they are places designed to dial the emotional labor burden way, way down. You are removed from regular family and social life. You don't have to stress about the cleanliness and conditon and chores around the places, because all of these things are taken care of in a fair and equitable rotation of tasks - when it's your turn to do the dishes, you do the dishes, but on the other days, you blissfully ignore the dishes. Life is so regulated and organized that you really can be mentally and emotionally free to concentrate on the tasks you are there to do - whether it's contemplation, human services, or whatever. This wasn't a stupid organization of life. Religious orders recognized that emotional labor had to be wrestled to the ground before anyone stood 5 minutes' chance of being able to devote attention to anything else.

I also think this is what drew me to life in summer camps and residential education settings for many years: a similar level of organization of chores, and an equitable sharing. Men and women alike did their duties when it was their turn, and were penalized for shirking. Both the emotional and the menial labor were sorted - labor was never a negotiation; you never had a long-running standoff as to who was going to take out trash or scrub the pots: it was all written there right on a rotation chart. This did more to create gender equality than any number of manifestos or heartfelt discussions. A basic rota. A recognition that everyone needed to contribute equally to the boring work of daily life. The beauty of it: when you're on, you're on: you do the work outlined in the rota. When you're off, you devote not a second's thought to the condition of the kitchen or the bathrooms or the trash. It's a big old SEP until it's your turn in the rota again.

This gets discussed elsethread in terms of being The Knower Of The Things, and division between Knowing and Doing; the idea of the Deal Token comes up too, of "I am responsible for making sure this thing Gets Done; I can delegate every single task comprising the Thing but I am responsible for tracking that everything that needs to happen for the Thing to get done happens", which is pretty much how I run committees when I'm on them. (There's something related, about how similar skills in men and women get designated "leadership" and "teamwork" respectively - women doing emotional labour is consistently devalued, because the hard work of knowing how your team's doing in detail and who might need a break and so on is fundamentally exactly the same thing as keeping track of which of the kids have activities this afternoon and when their homework's due, and that shit isn't important. I have a lot of bitter feelings about parenting related to all of this, okay, because - yeah - so much of it is about who, and what, matters.)

And finally: on tumblr there's a discussion of why tumblr's fantasy man is like he is, and over on AskMe people are working out an emotional labour checklist for self-assessment.

[meds log] yes good.

Jul. 29th, 2015 12:41 pm
kaberett: A drawing of a black woman holding her right hand, minus a ring finger, in front of her face. "Oh, that. I cut it  off." (molly - cut it off)
[personal profile] kaberett
Counsellor yesterday asked if next week's session could be a little later than usual, at 2 instead of noon, and I said sure and then belatedly realised that I was due to see my GP at 2.20, and then at 1am I was very good and logged into the online system and discovered that his only other appointment between now and when he goes on holiday was 11.20 today, so I booked that. (A moment of amusement: I went to see David at the local IAPT place yesterday, rather than at my GP surgery where he works one day a week. When he's there he's in rather more of a managerial role, and, well, that is the first time I've ever seen him wearing a three-piece suit, let us put it that way. The instant we got into the room for therapy he took off the jacket and rolled his shirtsleeves up...)

Read more... )

Excerpts: emotional labour

Jul. 28th, 2015 06:12 pm
kaberett: Clyde the tortoise from Elementary, crawling across a map, with a red tape cross on his back. (elementary-emergency-clyde)
[personal profile] kaberett
So. That MetaFilter thread on emotional labour (currently at a whisker over 1500 comments, and I've read all of them). It's kind of an overwhelming job and I've spent most of the past few days reading it; ergo I am taking it upon myself to excerpt for you the comments I particularly adored against the eventuality that you don't actually feel up to reading the whole thing.

On describing this kind of discussion as "venting", and the dismissiveness thereof:
I think the thing that irks me about calling it venting is the implication that it won't change anything, which tacitly states that nothing NEEDS changing. Steam just builds up and needs to be let it off the system every now and then, nothing to see here.

+6 )
jjhunter: neuron growing a dendritic branch to meet the reaching axon of another neuron in watercolor greys (neuron reaching out)
[personal profile] jjhunter
Jess Zimmerman @ Hazlitt Magazine: A Midlife Crisis, By Any Other Name
Existential collapse is often treated as the domain of men coming face to face with their mortality. For me and other women, our crisis wasn’t how much life was left, but how much of it we gave away.

various @ MetaFilter: “Where’s My Cut?”: On Unpaid Emotional Labor (comments recommended)*
Housework is not work. Sex work is not work. Emotional work is not work. Why? Because they don’t take effort? No, because women are supposed to provide them uncompensated, out of the goodness of our hearts.
* For choice highlights, see quotes in comments at [livejournal.com profile] siderea's post [feminism] This Changes Everything: the UEL Thread on Metafilter and [personal profile] kaberett's posts Excerpts: emotional labour and Another quick hit on emotional labour.

Oliver Sacks @ NYT: Oliver Sacks on Learning He Has Terminal Cancer & Oliver Sacks: My Periodic Table
I want and hope in the time that remains to deepen my friendships, to say farewell to those I love, to write more, to travel if I have the strength, to achieve new levels of understanding and insight.

[personal profile] rydra_wong: "a bioarchaeology of care"
I feel like "compassion" might be the wrong word and framework here, though [...] We could, equally well, be looking at interdependence.

Book View Cafe: Guest Post: Nicola Griffith: Who Owns SF?
The big “What if…” in Hild is: What if women had always been real human beings, human in, of, and by themselves rather than in relation to men? What if, despite the stories we’ve been told—and ask yourself who told those stories—women have always found a way around their constraints, just as we do today?

[tumblr.com profile] thefourthvine: Team Angry Cat
A lot of times, I don’t reach for support because I don’t expect it. I don’t talk about the random elevator dude type aggravations of life, because I assume there’s a good chance most people will side with the elevator dudes of the world. It’s worth it to find the places where that isn’t true. And it’s worth it to reach for support when I can.

oh god my HEART

Jul. 27th, 2015 07:24 pm
edenfalling: a circular mosaic in two shades of blue, depicting stylized waves (ocean mosaic)
[personal profile] edenfalling
Augh. I think the 7/28 Homestuck update broke me.

*sobs helplessly over stupid alien teenagers*

more serious thoughts -- beware of spoilers! )


I'm going to read Terezi's monologue and watch the flash and cry again now. *grabs box of tissues in preparation*

Short fiction: an articulation

Jul. 27th, 2015 06:48 pm
kaberett: Euphorbia cf. serrata, green crown of leaves/flowers central to image. (spurge)
[personal profile] kaberett
I really struggle with short fiction, particularly in anthologies. I'm averse to getting started and I have to make myself pick them back up, even if I know I like the authors, even though I know I frequently really like several pieces in any given anthology.

It's about task-switching, isn't it. Every new short story is a new task, with new information and names and mechanics to keep track of, and anthologies condense those down, and I never have time to settle in and stop doing the work of understanding all of the surface (in order to understand the innards). And that's why even individual shorts by authors I know I adore are difficult (if they're out-universe to novels).

It's nice to know why, at least.


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