The Feedback I Just Sent the CW: Re SPN 7.08

[moragmacpherson]

Contains spoilers for tonight's episode - but if you haven't watched it, I don't encourage you to do so.  Also contains references to triggery material.  I should know.  The episode triggered me.

ETA: I don't think I'm leaving the fandom.  I still do love this show.  But I still feel... really, really hurt.  I may not be as squee happy about it for awhile.  And I'm really disappointed in the entire production crew for not thinking about any of these issues before they brought the episode to air.

ETA2: It's been brought to my attention that there was an outright statement that the relationship was never consummated during the episode - however, this occurred during the scene that hit my single trigger -- involuntary chemical-induced memory loss -- and so I missed the line while I was retrieving my anti-anxiety meds.  Nonetheless, my overall feelings about the episode and the writers' complete incomprehension of the horror that they wrought still stands.  Intercourse or no, the emotional and mental manipulation remains reprehensible and unfunny.

Re: Supernatural s07e08 "Season Seven: Time For a Wedding"  Written by Andrew Dabb and Daniel Lofflin.  Directed by Tim Andrew.

I've been a loyal fan of this show for years.  It's the only show I still watch on broadcast television because I've wanted to help keep its ratings up.  When I was selected as a Nielsen's rater this past spring, I made sure that I invited ten viewers to my home to watch the Supernatural finale to help support it.

I don't know if I can watch it again.

I watched tonight's episode in its entirety because I kept hoping that it would redeem itself at any point.  It didn't.

Rape due to involuntary medication is not fun.  It is not funny.  I am speaking from experience.  The fact that this episode managed to so accurately depict several of the worst and most horrific aspects of my rape (I'm fortunate enough to only really freak out when encountered by a single scenario: memory loss due to involuntary medication.  They FOUND IT!  CONGRATS!) leads me to believe the writers might be familiar with drugged date rape.  Their obvious lack of comprehension for what it feels like to be the victim of it leads me to believe that they must know it from the other side. 

And to top it off, they had the victim try to reassure his "loser" attacker (a formerly beloved avatar for our fandom, which I suspect probably just got a LOT SMALLER) that she wasn't a bad person.  WRONG.  And then they had the victim apologize to his brother for things he said while involuntarily medicated!  THIS IS EVIL AND WRONG.  I am not even going to get into the offensive gay and misogynist stereotypes that this episode depicted, because if you can't see them from a mile away, you're not paying attention. 

I am, frankly, shaken and hurt after watching the depiction of Sam's memory loss as a result of being drugged into submitting to non-consexual sex.  What was implied to be multiple instances of rape.  He was strangely unaffected by his experience with repeated drugged-rape at the end of the episode.  It was laughed off.  I'm not laughing.  I'm thinking about the time I spent being interviewed by police for a police report that produced no arrests or prosecution; of having my bruises and injuries photographed by doctors I didn't know; of the years of therapy that it took before I accepted that what happened to me wasn't my own fault.

Please forward this website to the production staff of this episode:

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/male-sexual-assault

Sexual assault does not become funny or acceptable because it happens to a male character either.  News out of Penn State this week should make this fact painfully clear.

I am not amused.  And I am not alone.  And I don't know if I can watch this show any more.  This hurt me.

Comments

[moragmacpherson.livejournal.com]

I honestly don't remember the line where they claimed it was never consummated. I was already too freaked out at that point (I had to take a first dose of Xanax when Becky hit him over the head with the waffle iron. I had to take a second during the tied to the bed scenes). But it's just such a quick little band aid cover up to a show that was really just a parade of horrors for me that it's... not much of an excuse.

One of my favorite jokes used to be the "Please stop touching me" line from Sympathy for the Devil. In this episode, it wasn't a joke. Every time she touched him I really wanted to throw up.

As I said: I don't think I'll drop the show over this episode. It's given me too much joy over the years. I just don't know if I'm quite as dedicated to it as I was before last night, if I'll give it the benefit of the doubt as easily as I have before.

Thanks for your comments and your sympathies: it's been a few years now and I should be fine in a little while and with a little perspective.

[inmh.livejournal.com]

I honestly don't remember the line where they claimed it was never consummated.

I think that's what an annulment is (Emphasis on 'think'- I'm not sure). I think you get a divorce if the marriage is consummated, and an annulment when it isn't.

I'm sorry this episode hit you so hard. :(

[moragmacpherson.livejournal.com]

That is in fact what annulment means. Technically and in general. Having grown up in a Catholic neighborhood, where annulments are the only real option, I have seen the Church grant an annulment in cases where biological children of the two anull-ees exist.

The other case where an annulment is offered is when one party can offer strong evidence that they were not of sound mind or incapable of signing a binding contract at the time of marriage - in other words, children and people who have been drugged or forced to sign under duress. In these cases, the annulment is granted regardless of consummation - and the party who forced the marriage is often liable to criminal prosecution for their acts.

[inmh.livejournal.com]

Ah, okay. I'd heard the general definition before, and when I ran it by my mom (raised Catholic) she gave me the same answer. I was trying to figure out if they were subtly implying that the marriage was never cosummated, or if it was something else. The second case sounds the most likely here.

[moragmacpherson.livejournal.com]

It's also worth noting that the standard of proof for granting an annulment due to the marriage never being consummated (in cases where no shared biological children of the couple exist) is that both parties sign an affidavit stating that the marriage was never consummated. That's it. As long as the parties are both willing to agree to a minor instance of perjury, there are no consummation police. So if the "annulment" is the only evidence the episode gave that the marriage was never consummated, it's not very good proof of anything other than Sam and Becky agreeing that if there was sex, it will never be spoken of again.

[inmh.livejournal.com]

Mm, that's true. It doesn't sound like something either of them would be eager to bring up again.

[moragmacpherson.livejournal.com]

Which just brings us all the way back around to the strong possibility that Sam is concealing the fact that he was repeatedly raped from the world. Or even denying to himself that it was rape. See the RAINN information page that I included on Male Sexual Assault victims, particularly on the misconception that "all men enjoy sex so it must be consensual."

"Self-shaming" and "denial" are two other terms that come to mind. While I informed friends, authorities, and my school of my rape immediately, I concealed it from my family for more than six months - which ultimately made the recovery process much worse. This episode just sends bad messages all over.

[inmh.livejournal.com]

The Winchesters aren't exactly the poster-boys for sharing their feelings and being open with one another (Dear God can those boys repress).

[moragmacpherson.livejournal.com]

I think we've reached the deepest depths of apologetics at this point. So, here goes:

No, Sam and Dean are not known for sharing. However, at various points, the narrative of the show has - through other characters, through visual displays, through Dean's severe and worsening alcoholism or other manner - shown that they do indeed feel pain. That they suffer from that which they have survived. And the causes of that pain: their emotionally fucked father, demons, the whole Lucifer conspiracy, their emotional codependence, have, in general, been depicted by the narrative of the show as "bad things" that cause pain and suffering.

Not last night. Last night drugged induced rape was treated as something that is wrong, but mostly which is annoying. The actions of someone who was drugged out of his right mind were treated as something he needed to apologize for. The whole incident was treated as a learning experience for everyone from which Sam actually emerged as a stronger person capable of trusting his own, previously damaged mind, even more, and with no real lasting consequences. Drug induced rape! Ha, what a joke! It builds character!

That's my objection. That's why this episode felt like a punch to the stomach, and then the face, and then being told to say thank you for it and that if I didn't, I was a humorless person who obviously didn't get the joke. I got the "joke". It just wasn't funny. I'll close with a quote from Ricky Gervais that sums up my feeling about last night's episode better than I ever could.

When dealing with a so-called taboo subject, the angst and discomfort of the audience is what’s under the microscope. Our own preconceptions and prejudices are often what are being challenged. I don’t like racist jokes. Not because they are offensive. I don’t like them because they’re not funny. And they’re not funny because they’re not true. They are almost always based on a falsehood somewhere along the way, which ruins the gag for me. Comedy is an intellectual pursuit. Not a platform.

[moragmacpherson.livejournal.com]

And a friend of mine finally let me know that there was an outright statement that the relationship wasn't consummated during the scene where Sam was tied to the bed. I missed this because, well, that's the scene that really triggered me and I was retrieving my anti-anxiety meds at the time. I'm apologize if it sounds like I've been hounding you - this is just something that is, well, very personal for me. And in many ways, the emotional and mental manipulation issues - in particularly chemical-induced memory loss, which is the trigger that brought me down - are as bad as intercourse.

Thanks again for your thoughts, comments, and concern.

[inmh.livejournal.com]

Ah, okay- I forgot that one too, which is why I was confused why you didn't know. No problem. :) I understand how this must have had a very significant impact on you, and I'm hoping you feel better.